Does your child ALWAYS want to be in the kitchen? Do you frequently get critiqued on ingredient choices and preparation methods? Do you feel like serving dinner feels more like serving a panel of judges? Is your child convinced that their allowance will be saved from this day forward so that they can one day open their own bakery? Your child may be suffering from over exposure to Food T.V.
Here are the top 14 signs:
1. If your child is shocked and appalled at your decision to purchase store bought, refrigerated pie crust instead of making it from scratch.
2. While glued to the T.V watching the finalists of Pastry Chef Championship prepare a 5 foot high, spherical, multicolored sugar sculpture, your child says “I can totally do that.”
3. If your child informs you that the sparkling apple cider you’ve purchased contains absolutely no fruit juice and begins to question your character for buying it.
4. If your child knows the difference between these two things… in detail, and enjoys giving you a refresher course every Saturday morning whilst eating pancakes.
5. When commenting on your roasted butternut squash, they say “ it’s not the flavor that I have a problem with, it’s the texture.”
6. When your child asks if the store bought ice cream their dad purchased has “beaver anus” in it. In which case, they will not be partaking in the dessert festivities.
**If you didn’t know, artificial vanilla, raspberry and strawberry flavoring is made from the secretion glands of a beaver’s anus. Google it.
7. If every chef on T.V is a friend and your child is on a first name basis with each of them.
“Tyler always has patience.”
“Ann really knows her stuff.”
“Duff is such an artist.” “Giada makes it look so easy.”
8. If your child gives you an 18 item list of things she would like you to help her make…
9. They only ask for cookbooks at the school book fair.
10. Instead of cheese and crackers, it’s a full on episode of “Chopped” in your kitchen as they prepare parfaits, wraps and impressive fruit salads for their after school snacks.
11. They describe a homemade chocolate chip cookie as “rich and buttery.”
12. If every Friday night they want to have a “cooking” challenge…which you’ve noticed has become more of a “grocery budget” challenge on your end.
13. If perhaps, your child feels compelled to give this beauty to the lunch lady at school.
14. If they ask you for a Pastry Blowtorch, Mandolin, or Lemon Zester for their birthday gift.
At the end of the day, There is a choice between the bazillion bullshit teeny bopper programs showcasing blatant parental disrespect and sarcasm, the inappropriate cartoons disguised as humor but referencing stereotypes and bullying, and… the cooking channels. I should be overjoyed that my child prefers to expose herself to all things food, cooking, and ingredients! For the most part I am, however, the grocery budget is skyrocketing and I have become the Google master of all unpronounceable chemical ingredients and proper chef lingo. Just remember, if they keep it up, perhaps one day, they will be the one in the kitchen preparing YOUR meal while you simply sit and relax. Isn’t that a glorious thought! For that reason alone you should suck it up and let them do their thing. That’s what helps me sleep at night and keeps me somewhat sane. Who knows, in 20 years you may be the one watching them on the Food channel! If this is the case, then this article becomes null and void and every parent will maintain the story that they in fact, taught the child everything they know and supported them every step of the way…ahem.