Oh the beauty of books. Fiction, non-fiction, historical fiction, all glorious to read. I’ve had a love affair with books since the tender age of 10 when my mother handed me a copy of “The Amityville Horror” on a dark and stormy night…literally. Reading gives you the opportunity to bring the pages to life, turning the sentences into scenes within your own mind. I read the entire Harry Potter series at my leisure before I had kids. Conquering pages with a vengeance! As I lay by the pool, by the beach, while fireside, even curled up in my bed surrounded by silence and “me” time. Those were the days and those days are gone now. Replaced by motherhood. Who has time for books when you’re eyeballs deep in life’s trenches?
If I hear any more suggestions from the peanut gallery as to how I can fix this dilemma like, “what you need to do is set aside time to read” or my personal and completely unrealistic favorite, “run yourself a nice hot bubble bath and enjoy some quiet reading time,” I might slit someone’s jugular. Of course I’ve made resolutions! All of which state to “read more” and “set aside time” but seriously? Shit happens!! And so…the books sit.
I have 3 children. They need to be fed. They need help finding shit. They get hurt, they get dirty, and sometimes they get diarrhea and have to puke. Parents are warriors and books get the shaft. The attempt at “reading time” goes something like this-
Here are 20 reasons why a book is never finished:
- Because sitting down to read is actually like entering an interrogation ambush organized by your children.
“Why are you reading?”
“What are you reading?”
“How much longer?”
“Are you almost done?”
2.My husband couldn’t find the tomato sauce.
3. My daughter didn’t know how to change the setting on the dryer.
4. My mother called me with a question about the internet…geezus.
5. My husband couldn’t find the toenail clippers.
6. I had to pee…and then I noticed that the sink was dirty so I had to clean it.
7. My son wanted me to draw a shark.
8. Someone was missing a shin guard for soccer practice and the world almost ended.
9. A child sharted in their pants.
10. The kids were fighting about who had the greenest crayon.
11. My feet were looking rough so I chose to paint my toes instead. To give the illusion that I actually have my shit together.
12. My son missed the toilet.
13. I had to sign 3 permission slips.
14. There was a full on brawl between the kids over who cheated during a paper, rock, scissors marathon.
15. The dog was humping my throw pillow.
16. I passed by a mirror on the way to grab my book and noticed my reflection taking on an uncanny resemblance to Tom Selleck, so I had to wax the mustache…pronto.
17. The kids were fighting over who had to pick up the freshest pile of dog crap.
18. Someone needed toilet paper
19. The tween couldn’t find her hairbrush and was instantly transformed into an enraged honey badger on a rampage.
20. The dog brought a decapitated alligator lizard into my room.
These instances are just a taste of the millions of reasons that prohibit us from “finding time,” or “curling up with a good book.”
One day this will all be a distant memory. One day we’ll have the luxury of reading each and every page of a riveting novel with conviction and passion. No interruptions involving bodily fluids (human or hound.) No playing the Sherlock Holmes of kitchen supplies. One day it will be silent and we’ll have all the time in the world to read. Books piled up on the nightstand, making it rain Kindle downloads. But these days, exhaustion sets in at a rapid pace and whiskey pairs so well with the incessant whining of children, that a cocktail glass takes precedence as my main evening accessory, not a book.