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The Top 10 Reasons Why Minivans Kick Ass

Yes, you read the title correctly. I drive, and take pleasure in driving my minivan.  Let me explain.  I am a stay at home mom of 3 and my kids play soccer. Cue the stereotypes. As a young and wrinkle free “too cool” teenager, I swore I would never drive something so ugly and “momish.” But now, being a practical, mature, and still “too cool” adult, I have seen the error of my ways.  The minivan has been falsely accused of being lame and unhip.   I’m here to clear its name!

These are my top 10 reasons why the minivan kicks ass:

10. The doors open and close by themselves. Hello! One less thing I have to do.

9. Diaper changing.  Spread those buns on that spacious floorboard with ease. Even if there’s a blow out, you can get all up in there and take care of that shit…literally.

8. Leather and wood grain with navigation.  Pimpin’ in the minivan. Snoop Dogg would be proud.

7Again with the soccer mom shenanigans.  This beautiful piece of machinery fits all 3 of my kids and their gear, the EZ up canopy (which isn’t so EZ), coolers, chairs, 3 friends and undoubtably a partridge in a pear tree.

6. Who’s got 2 thumbs and is the coolest mom at the drive in? This girl!  The entire back-end transforms into a flat blank canvas for all of your pizza, popcorn and picture show needs.

5The turning radius is ah-mazing! The minivan makes 3 point turns like a pro.  In and out like it’s nothing (that’s what she said)

4. Storage galore!  Compartments, cup holders, stow away bins oh my!  Wet wipes, bottled water, Stars Wars action figures, barf bags, GasX, that Kit Kat that I stole from my son’s trick or treat bag on Halloween last year.  I wonder if it’s still good?  I can’t let that go to waste.  Kit Kats are delicious. You name it, you can store it. 

3Minivans are fast.  Don’t underestimate a mom in a minivan. Do not assume that you can quickly accelerate and get in front of her.  Rude awakening my friend.  I will pass you effortlessly while bumping my jams (Taylor Swift if the kids are with me, Ice Cube if by some unexplainable phenomenon I’m alone.) 

“Sometimes a mom just needs to jump in her minivan ALONE, roll down the windows, and bump some old school hip hop.”

2. Road trip heaven. That 12 hour drive to Colorado never looked so inviting.  Kinda like an R.V except you have to pull over to take a tinkle or a number 2.

1. This bad boy gives new meaning to the phrase “shaggin’ wagon.”  I’m talking room to spare and stretch out, no muscle cramping. A dark secluded side street, a desolate church parking lot, a family campground etc. Moms and Dads join me! Well, not literally because I’m not really into that sort of thing but you get the idea. I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind in the minivan. It is a multipurpose vehicle after all.

There you have it! Mind blown? Just know that it’s not always a woman in mom jeans with velcro sneakers, sporting a fanny pack and a permanent look of exhaustion; nor a dad with shorts dangerously above the knee rockin’ the socks and sandals combo in the driver’s seat mmmkay!?  Minivans have become pretty kick ass.  Whether I’m in a crowded Nordstrom…Rack parking lot, rushing to the ER because my kid just swallowed a Peter Pan figurine accessory or preparing to peruse the deals at the Dollar Store,  I exit my minivan in my skinny jeans and lip gloss like a boss, pleased with my vehicle of choice and proud to be a “minivan mom.”

Are you a minivan mom? Do you make that shit look good?

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About the author

Sara Pittman

Sara is from sunny San Diego CA. She is a wife, busy mother of 3 and amateur chef stumbling through organized chaos on a daily basis using sarcasm and humor to soften the blow...that's what she said. She will take any opportunity to demonstrate the running man in public and enjoys being a sarcastic smart ass.

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